12/12/12

I DON'T FUCKING CARE.

Everyone's up here posting Facebook statuses about how it's the last repetitive date and just, stahp. So guise, calm your tits. This isn't tragic. No one's gonna die and I think everyone should just chill the fuck out.

Public Display

So I went out today (I know, I went out) and I swear to god, I saw Dean like, 15 feet away from me and he didn't see me which was good because I didn't want him to.

If you don't know who Dean is, back the fuck up because I think I mentioned him in my either my first, second or third post on this website. Don't worry, it's only like, 2 pages back.

Anyway, he was with this girl and his brother and I just panicked because I don't want him seeing me and coming over to talk to me. I would be obliged to actually talk to him and just, no.

Please note that I am not jealous. I broke up with him. Not the other way around. Plus, that was months ago. Even though I have to admit, he has moved on fast. Having 2 girlfriends after our break up. Um, okay Dean. Okay.

Anyway, I went shopping with my mom and I just bought a ton of things and I'm so happy. I practically have  a whole new wardrobe which makes me very happy because I love fashion, and the stuff in my closet has been there for almost 2 years and I just needed a change. And there was this gorgeous top at Forever 21 and you just should've seen how happy I was when I found my size. (S, because I'm 15 and I haven't stopped growing yet. Well, I hope I'm still growing. Otherwise, I would be freakishly small).

And then my mom and I went back home and we cleared out my closet to give some clothes to charity and I just feel so happy. You know what would make me more happy? IF EMMA DIDN'T TELL RORY SHIT ABOUT MY CRUSH ON HIM. That's right, I'm not over it yet. Still not talking to her. He's still not talking to me.

Anyway, I watched Rise Of The Guardians the other day and warning as a spoiler alert is ahead.

OH MY GOD I CRIED LIKE, 3 TIMES WHEN SANDMAN DIED IT WAS LIKE A PART OF ME DIED I HAD SO MANY FEELINGS AND I TOTALLY SHIP THE TOOTH FAIRY AND JACK FROST.

Okay, have a nice holiday guise. I'll be back.

Not Like The Other

I hate that I'm not photogenic. I have to take at least 15 pictures to get a picture of me that actually looks decent. My mom has the same problem. But my sister on the other hand..

She never has an embarrassing picture. She's so photogenic, it's annoying. She has so little imperfections compared to me. I have a flat nose, an ugly forehead and freckles just everywhere on my face. I have the ugliest feet ever and my voice is just annoying. I know you should love yourself for who you are but how do you love yourself when you look..ugly?

At least I know the fact that Rory used to like me. For me.

But getting back on the topic, it's hard. It really is. When you have the most beautiful sister and you're just there but you're not really there. It sucks. I'm not photogenic, I'm not pretty, I'm not what society wants.

And it's not a nice thing to carry on you.

Yay, New Profile Picture

As you all know, I have a new profile picture. It's of hair. That's right, hair. It's really pretty hair braided into a dutch braid with flowers in it. And sadly, it's not me. I saw that picture on tumblr and decided it was so pretty that I had to make it my profile picture.

And again, it's not me. It's just a random lady with her hair braided into a really pretty dutch braid wearing what seems to be a wedding dress. I don't know. It just looks like it. Anyways, hope you guys like it as much as I do.

Minds Change Like The Weather, Guise.

Well haven't I been on hiatus?

Screw Oliver. He's being such an ass! And he's only being an ass to me. Just, ugh.

I have a little crush on this guy named Rory. He's really sweet and funny and it's just a little crush. At least that's what I keep telling myself. I asked my friend, Emma, to talk to him for me. Y'know, butter me up. I know, I need a lot of help. No judging.

I got Emma's facebook password and I read her conversation with Rory and what she said just, infuriated me. She practically told him I had a crush on him! Like, what? She was like, "This guy she has a crush on likes Emma Stone and Spiderman and Batman or something." and he said that he likes all those things but he kept denying that I had a little crush on him. But Emma just went overboard. She told him the thing that he said to me that made me feel so happy, I jumped around the house because what he said was so sweet. So obviously, he knows it's him whom I like.

So now, Rory knows I have a crush on him and I feel like killing myself. If he tells anybody about this, my life will be ruined. Because Rory isn't the kind of guy girls like. He's funny and all but the girls at my school don't find him attractive. Well that's bullshit, he's plenty attractive. But I guess it's good for me. I mean, no competition. Anyways, if they find out, I will be teased to no end and just, I won't be able to live it down.

And it's not cool for a friend to tell your crush you like him, Emma. It really isn't.

Getting back to what Rory responded, he said that he didn't like me like that. Just as a friend. So I'm pretty sure I just got friendzoned. I think I'm the first female to get friendzoned.

He said that he's no good for me and I guess he was thinking about his crush on me earlier this year because, I don't know, it just looked like it from the chat. Yes, I can predict what people are thinking about by their replies. And he said he would make a bad boyfriend. Well, let's see how you do by trying it out on me!

I know it wasn't cool to login to Emma's facebook like that but I had to know what she said. I really did! And now that I know, I can begin my six degrees of separation (but seriously though, have you guys heard that song? It is perfection. It's by the script. Another song that I can relate to is 'The Moment I Knew' by Taylor Swift. And Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band by The Beatles. We're getting off topic now. Well, at least I am).
To quote Avatar Roku (because I am ridiculously in love with A:tla):
When love is real, it finds a way.
And I totally believe that. Can you believe it? A cartoon show gives better advice than most shows nowadays. But it's true. At least I think it is.

So now, I'm giving Emma the silent treatment because she was an ass but she doesn't know that. But I'll forgive her one day. Just not today. Because I'm too busy being sad about Rory. And the thing is, he used to have a crush on me. But I just thought of him as a friend that time. And now I like him. But he doesn't like me. And now I hate myself. And now Oliver doesn't know shit about this. But we're drifting away and it's like he doesn't know I exist anymore. He's not talking or texting or calling like he did the last time.

Well, Rory and I will be in the same school next year because I'll be in high school and he's already in high school (he's 2 years my senior, guise) so we'll basically see each other everyday and I'm afraid I'll like him even more and mess up my plan on moving on (not that I actually have a plan. But I will have a plan. Soon) because he has the cutest eyes ever and his new haircut is just so cute and just, ugh. He's really funny too and he's so goddamned sweet and he's such a gentleman and I'm gonna stop gushing over him before I explode.

And Oliver, well, screw him. We were never really together anyway and now he's ignoring me and giving me the cold shoulder and just basically avoiding me. And I didn't do shit. Anyway, Oliver brought this on himself and now Rory is my little crush.

Part 2 Review

Breaking Dawn part 2 was actually quite satisfying. I didn't think it would be bearable, but it was. I have to admit, it was actually kind of funny.

I still hate Twilight though.

I would actually recommend it if you have nothing else to watch and wanna see vampires rip other vampires' heads off. Needless to say, Twilight filled my violence void.

And can we just take a moment to realize that the guy who can control the elements (forgive me, I forgot his name) is basically the avatar? And the Beatles preference was just perfect.

That's it for this topic. Watch Twilight. It's bearable. Fighting scenes were good. And Robert Pattinson is in it. That should be enough of a reason to watch Twilight.

The Shittiest Saga Finally Ends

Finally, after 4 years of  'Edward only left because he wanted to protect you, Bella!' and 'Back off, Jacob.', the fucking Twilight saga finally ends. The thing that pisses me off is that magazines are marking it as 'the end of an era'. Bitch, sit the fuck down.

The Harry Potter films were in for 10 years. That's a lot compared to Twishit. A lot of people are probably gonna be like, 'If you hate Twilight so much, why do you watch it?'. It's one of those things that you just wanna make fun of because it is just so fucking bad and you wanna see how bad it progresses from the first film to the last. I'm still suffering from Post Potter depression. Hell, I'm also suffering from Post Reichenbach Fall depression. But anyways, Harry Potter made a bigger impact on everyone's lives than Twilight. Harry Potter taught us all about friendship and to never give up. Twilight is about laying down on the ground after your vampire boyfriend dumps you for your own sake. Just.

And now, I am going to list all the things that are more depressing than the end of Twilight.
-The Doctor regenerating.
-Donna's farewell with the Doctor.
-Rory and Amy leaving the Doctor.
-Rose's farewell with the Doctor.
-Hell, everyone's farewell with the Doctor.
-Harry Potter.
-Seeing the Doctor sad.
-Rory waiting for Amy for 2000 years to make sure she's safe.
-Toph and Sokka not becoming canon.
-Sherlock faking his suicide to keep Mrs. Hudson, Lestrade and John safe.

Mostly everything is more depressing than the end of Twilight. Ugh, finally.

In other news, CHRISTMAS IS COMING A;OIFRJAP;OJFG  [POGI.gfdsai;/o;rpASLDKDFNS;LK

The Girl Who Didn't Make Sense

Everyone came back from the trip a few weeks ago and since then, it's been mighty awkward between Oliver and I. The thing is, Oliver can be an ass at times. Which is freaking annoying. But I put up with it. Because I am the greatest person you will ever meet.

His 'being an ass' characteristics are:
; not starting the conversation first.
I don't like starting conversations. Oliver of all fucking people should know. What part of hating everyone on this goddamned planet do you not understand? I want to talk to him. But I can't. Because I'm socially awkward. But if I don't talk to him there wouldn't be a conversation to start with. And I want a conversation. With Oliver, not anyone else.

; being an ass on the internet.
He is the funniest person you will most probably ever meet. But it's a different story on the internet. People on the internet expect you to be funny and full of life and just plain fucking awesome. But he's not. It's like he's dead on the internet. Which is annoying. He literally doesn't do anything there. It's like he's not in the game he's just there, y'know? And it bothers me. Because I am an exceptionally pleasant person on the internet because no one knows me.

; not being interested in my interests
Which is the fucking worse. I get interested or at least pretend to be on whatever shit he likes and thinks is cool. I told him to watch Sherlock because it is an insane fandom and once you get into it, it's like family. But he said and I quote, 'It's too long.'. GURL SIT DOWN. Sherlock is probably the best thing you could ever come across (other than Supernatural and Doctor Who. Superwholock fandom for the win). 

It just sucks. But I still like him. I have issues.

But so does he.

Obama Won, You Peasants

The day before the election, I prayed for Obama to win. Yes, I prayed. Because Obama is my best friend even thought he doesn't know it. And then today, when I found out the perfect person that is Barack Obama won the election, I freaked.

Even though I don't live in America and all, I'm just really happy, okay? And when I found out on twitter, my inner fangirl for Obama just came out and I just ran around my house screaming. I found out at about 4 p.m. today and I called my mom who told me she didn't really care because we don't live in America. Well, excuse you. Anyway, Obama is just so awesome! I hope he can make the changes he promised come true! 

GO BARACK OBAMA! 

And to be frank, I seriously wonder what Romney is doing right now. 

Cat Videos

Seamus and I were chatting on Facebook and we were talking about dogs because dogs are adorable. Then, he sent me a link to a cat video. I watched it and he sent me a few more. One of it being a guy celebrating his cat's birthday. I told him how manly it was to be watching cat videos and he said this,

(Partial transcript reads as follows)

Seamus: REAL MEN WATCH VIDEOS OF CATS.
Me: Are you sure?
Seamus: AND DOGS. DOGS ARE COOLER.
Me: Duh.

Then we talked about how chill turtles are and then he asked me to google image photos of kittens. I have to admit, no matter how much I hate cats, kittens are pretty darn cute.

Then we talked about Oliver and Hanna and now we're back to the subject of cats.

The Awkward Confrontation

When I was on Facebook today, I saw that Oliver was online. I didn't wanna start the conversation first because then he'd think I'm really clingy which is not what a lot of boys like. Particularly Oliver. Trust me. I've been in love with that boy for 2 years. Anyway, I waited for almost an hour for him to chat talk with me but, no luck. I screwed everything and gathered up my Gryffindor courage to talk to him. I started the conversation with, "Did Ron really read your texts?"

I have a weird way with starting conversations. No judging.

(Partial transcript reads as follows)

Me: Did Ron really read your texts?
Oliver: No. Why?
Me: He told me yesterday when Seamus called.
Oliver: He didn't. I left my phone on the bus. No one can read it now.
Me: The bus driver can.

Over my failed attempt to cheer him up over the loss of his phone, I discovered that Oliver didn't give a shit about Ron and just goes with the flow. "It's what anyone who's lazy would do." He said.

We spent the rest of the conversation chatting on facebook talking about what we were doing, trying to keep the conversation alive when one of his questions just made me think of him as a peasant.

He asked me if I liked Seamus and "I'm not jealous or anything" written in brackets. I told him that Seamus was just my friend and the conversation just kind of died down there. So that's basically how our conversations on facebook goes. A "what are you doing now" and a "Haha, you're weird" and the conversation kind of just.. ends. But despite that, our feelings for each other are different than our conversations. Although our conversations die down a little over time, our feelings for each other never do.

God, that was intense. Let me say something to ease the tension.

People are peasants. And Google should let me finish my sentence without interrupting me. Google thinks it knows me. BUT IT DOESN'T.

So Called 'Special Someone'

I finally got the call Seamus and Mike were talking about at around 10 p.m. When my phone rang, I turned into Usain Bolt and ran to get my phone. The caller ID said it was Seamus so I picked it up, hoping for the best. But it wasn't Seamus on the line. It was a guy who was part of their 'gang'. His name is Ron. He's kind of an ass.

Anyway, he told me in his annoying ass voice that he read the texts between me and Oliver. I immediately panicked. I said a lot of crap to Oliver that I didn't want anyone else to know about. But being the cool person I'd like to think I am, I kept my mojo and asked him what he was talking about.

(Partial transcript reads as follows)

Ron: I read Oliver's text messages and I see that there's a lot of messages between you two.
Me: What are you talking about?
Seamus: Ron, give me the phone.
Me: What's happening?
Seamus: Wait, let me get Oliver. *screams Oliver's name*
Oliver: WHAT?
Seamus: IT'S OSWIN.

You see, at this point, everyone in the background was clapping and cheering which really annoyed me. Who invented clapping anyway? Please note that when Oliver was on the phone with me, everyone started whistling and clapping even more which was utterly unnecessary and uncomfortable.

Oliver: Hello?
Me: Hey.
Oliver: Yes? Seamus told me you wanted to talk me?
Me: Well, Seamus told me you wanted to talk to me.
Oliver: Wait, let me talk to him. WHAT THE HELL SEAMUS.
Seamus: Hello? Sorry 'bout that.
Me: I'm gonna hang up now.
Seamus: Okay.

Seamus texted me after the call saying Oliver wanted to tell me something. I asked him why he didn't tell me and he said he didn't know. Guess he was just being a wuss. Apparently, calling me was the only way to get Oliver to talk to me.

So, that was the phone call they talked about. How this 'special person' was going to talk to me. Please, we talked for a milisecond before he passed the phone on to Seamus. He also told me the girlfriend thing was just a lie. You think I didn't know? I was just being paranoid before the call and the girlfriend thing fit perfectly in my theory. But I have to admit, I felt pretty relieved that Oliver didn't have a girlfriend after all. But there's still one more thing that's bugging me.

Does Oliver seriously like me? Or was saying he did just a spur in the moment thing.

Ugh, hormones and paranoia do not fit.

Stahp

The 'special someone' still hasn't called. But I'll keep you posted.

So, my sister is studying phsycology in Holland and a lot of people have asked me
"Oswin, why don't you miss your sister? You never ever talk about her! Do you even miss her at all?"

Well, you see, it's kind of hard to miss someone when your goddamned cousin and mother talk about her all day. To be honest, I was kind of happy when she left. I don't want to sound selfish and all. Well, too late I already do sound selfish. Anyway, it's hard because your parents Skype with her everyday and the only thing they talk at the dinner table is how independent she's being and how she's acing all her tests. Um, ever think about me?

"Wow, she scored 4/5 for her test! That's like, 90%!" No, dumbass, that's 80%. Stop bragging about your other daughter that's practically half way around the world when your other daughter is sitting right next to you. Plus, there's only 5 questions. And you're getting physched that she managed to answer 4 questions correctly?

Sure, I get that you're worried about her and that you just want her to be safe but I exist too. It'd be nice if you paid attention to me sometime. It'd also be nice if you can talk about something other than her and maybe spend some time with me.

How many years until I get to move out again?

Ugh

3 days ago, everything 11 year old me would've wanted came true. Well, not everything. But you get the gist.

My crush of 2 goddamned years finally told me he liked me. You see, the thing that sucks is that he doesn't wanna be anything more. Which I get. He's leaving school next year and long distance would definitely not work out. But what's the harm in trying? I've been pretty tight with one of his friends lately. Mostly because that friend is my ex's best friend. But I'd like to think he's friends with me because I'm cool and different than other stupid people.

They're all on a school trip which I didn't join because I was too lazy to. And if you think I would go 5 days without tumblr, you're delusional.
Anyway, let me give you names (that are fake of course. I just made it up. If anyone from my school comes across my blog and recognize the names and find out it's me, I would die of embarrassment) so that it'll be less tedious for me to type.
Crush - Oliver
Friend - Seamus (pronounced Shay-mus. Get it right guise. I really like this name)
Ex Boyfriend - Dean
*notice how all of these names come from characters in Harry Potter. Please note that all of the people's names in here are not real, although the people actually are. I just changed their names. And for my sake, let's call me Oswin.

Okay, story. So, Oliver texted me he liked me (pfft. A text. Kind of takes all the magic out of it, right?)
And to quote him exactly, 'I like you. But I just want us to be normal friends. Nothing more.' Fine. I told him that I liked him too and we just texted talked all night through. The next day though, Seamus told me he left his phone on the bus. So we y'know, didn't talk. Seamus and I were texting back and forth when he told me out of nowhere that Oliver had a girlfriend. I don't know how Oliver even has the time to get a one of those girlfriend what with his busy schedule and all. I didn't believe him because Seamus talks shit sometimes. But I couldn't help but think he was right. I ignored it for the rest of the day. That night, Seamus called me and we talked for a while. Then his roomate in his hotel room (I have previously stated that they were on a school trip. Thus the words 'rommate in his hotel room') named Mike, talked to me and said that Oliver had a girlfriend. Seamus told me that someone special was going to call me tomorrow. Of course I begged him to tell me who the 'special someone' was but he wouldn't budge.

And then I got paranoid. Which isn't good because I'm always jumping to stupid ass conclusions. I told them I had to go and that my mom was asking me for help. Then I thought back to what my best friend, Hanna, told me earlier that day. They were got on the same bus Oliver left his phone on so he must've gotten his phone back. I thought if it was all just a game they were playing on me. Seamus and Mike told me that he had a girlfriend. Which would make sense because he said 'Nothing more'. Then maybe that 'special someone' is Oliver. Telling me it was just all a trick. That he really did have a girlfriend and that he didn't like me at all.

It's 7:52 p.m. and I'm still waiting for that damned phone call.